Scattered words

"December 8th, 2024 — The time is now 6:18 PM, Damascus time: Syria without Bashar al-Assad." It took fourteen years. Fourteen years of dreaming of freedom, then fearing it. Of daring to hope, then being silenced. Of imagining a future, then watching it drown in blood, injustice, and darkness. For years, I thought I had lost every last piece of passion left in me, every sense of belonging to a country that no longer looked like me, nor I like it. Syria, once a symbol of warmth and familiarity, had become a scar, blurry and distant. And so, I told myself I no longer cared. At least… that’s what I believed. Until the day it happened. Until the chains broke, the prisons opened, and the birds flew free. The moment I heard the news "Syria is Alassad free"  I couldn’t breathe. Every memory, every hope, every idea I had buried deep within me came rushing back to life. Dreams I had wrapped in silence and tucked away into the darkest corners of my soul, they resurfaced like ...

 On April 29th 2015 I wrote a letter to myself, on April 29th 2020 I received that letter which I totally forgot about, it was really nice reading it seeing how much progress I did since then.  On April 3rd 2022 I wrote another letter to my future self, only this time I wrote what I would have liked to hear from someone special, instead of waiting to hear those words I decided that I will be that someone to myself.  I decided that this time I will publish it here so that maybe someone else will benefit from it and maybe I will be that someone special for somebody else. Let me know what would you like to say to your future self?                             ************ Dear future me , Always know your worth, always believe in yourself, you are doing great! Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise, always know that there will always be someone looking up to you thinking wow she’s amazing! Believe in you...

فبكيت و بكيت و بكيت حتى لم يأت أحد لإنقاذي تمالكت نفسي و لملمت شتات ما بقي مني بانتظار الموجة القادمة فقد اصبحت عادة الآن وحدي في مواجهة الكون ثلاثة أيام من الثبات و الصمود و الأربعة الباقية انهيار و فياضانات و عواصف. لم يعد لدي رغبة في الاستمرار حتى الذكريات الجميلة أصبحت مؤلمة و صعبة. أقف وحدي على حافة ناصية الحلم ولكن لا اقاتل فقد خارت قواي و لم أعد أعظم بكثير من أن أحلم أحلاماً صغيرة بل هي باتت أعظم من أن أحققها أنا.  أنا… و كم من الكلمات التي قد تصف من أنا، كم من الكلمات التي لم تقل او قيلت ولم تتحقق، كم من الكلمات التي لم تسمع و كم من الكلمات التي كتبت و لم تُقرأ أو قُرأَت و نُسيَت ثم تلاشت. أنا صديق الجميع الذي لا صديق له بلا كتفٍ ثابتٍ يتكئ عليه…

 Woke up as usual at 9 am after a tiring Sleepless night because I didn’t get used to this new house yet and it has been difficult for me to get settled here, I always spend my morning drinking coffee, talking to my mom, solving some problems in the house, and if i had time I would watch a 20 min of any tv series, then I head out to my volunteer work at a friends vegan shop wearing my blue raincoat and on my grey bike. The maps say it is a 17 min cycle crossing the ferry and central station of Amsterdam to the shop, but it takes me forever to get there because it is a very stressful road for me with people and bikes coming from all directions and I always get lost through the small streets but I have finally managed to remember the road straight to the shop. As a person who has never committed to a job before I find this one pretty exciting for me as I am enjoying the whole new routine and talking to people and gaining new perspective on people who do this. It is pretty tiring but ...